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Part 7: My Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition Experience

Part 7: Envy

Envy, envy, envy. Generally I don’t allow myself to think about–let alone feel–envy or jealousy. My reasoning for this is that in order to get to envy I have to think of what I want but don’t have that someone else does have; that means comparing myself to others.

In preparation for teaching Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition, co-creator Dan and I took ourselves through the workshop process. The workshop is an eight part series during which students will practice using their intuition as they paint their way through different emotions. Here is my account of the experience, shared in eight parts that will each highlight a different session or layer/emotion that I worked on. To begin the story with Part 1/Ectasy click here.

I realized a couple years ago that the only thing I get out of comparing myself to others is disappointment or self-criticism, so I avoid doing that as much as possible. Hence, I had not allowed myself to even think about how I may be carrying around the energy of envy in quite some time. Apparently this was Spirit’s way of bringing my attention to this batch of old energy that I was ready to release; I put my trust into my intuition that this was important to do now.

Time to take a look at where the envy was residing in my body and aura. I found what looked like little bubbles of envy hiding all over. Looking closer, it appeared that instead of dealing with and feeling this emotion I would encapsulate it and hide it. Asking myself why, I realized that since feeling envious is typically labeled as “bad” I had shut it down just like I had done with the energy of contempt. Using the energetic release techniques that will be taught in the workshop, I went to work clearing the envy.

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Meanwhile, I began painting. The infinity/figure 8 symbol was intuitively chosen along with a brilliant cadmium light red color to represent envy on the canvas. After a few minutes I realized that I was placing this symbol around the other symbols. Just like how I had found envy encapsulated in my aura/body, it was encapsulated on my painting. Looking as this more closely I found that I had never given myself permission to feel envy by itself. Seizing the opportunity, I experienced envy as envy. Similarly to when I allowed myself to feel hate, it wasn’t as “bad” as I expected it to be. It felt tight and compressed, like a closed metal animal trap with big, sharp teeth. What am I envious of? People with carefree lives. People without chronic health issues. People who wake up in the morning feeling rested.

I then spent some time arguing with my intuition about putting the two giant symbols right in the center of my painting. “If I put that much on then people will think I’m always envious!” my brain told me. My Spirit stepped in to remind me “If you put that much on then you won’t be carrying it around in your energy field anymore and you will have made room for new emotions.” Spirit wins! On it went, so that I could completely release all that was ready to go. As always, the release felt refreshing and timely.

Check back soon for Part 8. More details and a full workshop description can be found here.  Find my Part 2/Distraction recap here.   Part 3/Trust can be found here.   For Part 4/Joy click here. Part 5/Contempt is here. For Part 6/Hate go here. Here’s a picture of my progress so far:

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Part 6: My Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition Experience

Part 6: Hate

I really wasn’t sure what emotion would surface for the sixth layer and painting session of my practice workshop run-through. I never imagined that I was prepared to release so much heaviness all in one two-hour period…

In preparation for teaching Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition, co-creator Dan and I took ourselves through the workshop process. The workshop is an eight part series during which students will practice using their intuition as they paint their way through different emotions. Here is my account of the experience, shared in eight parts that will each highlight a different session or layer/emotion that I worked on. To begin the story with Part 1/Ectasy click here.

During this sixth painting session, I realized that the emotions that were being intuitively chosen weren’t just coinciding with what I was experiencing in my life at the time; they were emotions I was ready to release and move on from. Not to say that I’ll never feel these emotions again, but I wouldn’t say that I was feeling especially hateful on the day that hate was chosen as the emotion. To go along with hate a magenta red and a frowning face came up. Wowzer–what a combo that my intuition chose.

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Honestly, my brain wanted to put one of the faces on my canvas and be done with this layer. My intuition had another plan. When was the last time I even looked at hate in my life or aura let alone let go of it? Daily I make sure that I am clearing the energy of doubt, insecurities, fear, and perfection. Hate didn’t even make my list–because I like to think of myself as a nice person and nice people don’t hate anything. That was when I gave myself permission to think of what I hate and FEEL it.

I hate being left out. I hate to wait for things I want right now. I hate to mop floors. Oh, so this is what it feels like to feel hate. This isn’t as bad and destructive as I thought it would be.

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This was the layer when I realized that emotions are emotions and they are absolutely NOT either positive or negative. They simply are what they are and they each have a purpose. I completely fell for the societal programming that some emotions are “good” and others are “bad”; in doing so I stifled the expression of the “bad” ones because I’m “good”. Accepting the truth that all emotions are valid and acceptable to feel has totally shifted my way of looking at my emotional reaction to things. I know now it’s okay to allow myself to feel hate/rage/contempt/etc. Feeling and acting on emotions are completely different but I had always thought that they were the same so I shut the “bad” ones down. Just because I’m feeling the emotion of hate does not mean I need or even want to act on it. Thinking about it now, I understand that not allowing myself to feel the hate was just as destructive as acting on hate may have been. By allowing to it simply be hate and feel it I was able to process and release it. It felt like I let go of a huge bowling ball that plummeted right out of my aura and body. Now I’ve made room for other emotions and new experiences to fill the space that the hate used to occupy. Time to think about what I’d like to fill that space with.

Check back soon for Part 7. More details and a full workshop description can be found here.  Find my Part 2/Distraction recap here.   Part 3/Trust can be found here.   For Part 4/Joy click here. Part 5/Contempt is here. Here’s a picture of my progress so far:

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Part 5: My Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition Experience

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A new color came through for this fifth layer, and I am amazed at what it did to my painting.

In preparation for teaching Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition, co-creator Dan and I took ourselves through the workshop process. The workshop is an eight part series during which students will practice using their intuition as they paint their way through different emotions. Here is my account of the experience, shared in eight parts that will each highlight a different session or layer/emotion that I worked on. To begin the story with Part 1 click here.

When crimson red and hearts were chosen to represent contempt for this fifth layer, I had no idea it would become the new focal point of my painting. The day I completed this layer was filled with mixed emotions, competing priorities, and confusion. I was working through trying to see things for what they actually are and not what I want them to be. Contempt means “the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn”. Bullseye. I had spent most of the day trying to determine what relationships and commitments were worth my time and which ones were worthless. Recently I had been feeling like my time was not my own and that I was allowing myself to get caught up in situations in which I didn’t want to be a part of. Contempt was the result of me giving away too much of my time to things that were not for my highest good.

As I sat down to paint that night, I found myself arguing with myself. “You shouldn’t cover your canvas with contempt.” “But that’s what I’m feeling right now and that’s what my intuition is telling me to do.” “But people will think you aren’t nice if you show that much contempt.” “But that’s how I FEEL.”

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After a couple different versions of this conversation with myself I finally painted the giant heart and began to color in the left half with the crimson red. Once that half was filled in it was time to make a decision: do I fill it in completely by trusting my intuition and true feelings or do I only do half so that it ‘looks like’ I don’t have so much contempt? When I really thought about it, the decision to honor my feelings won hands down even though I still felt hesitant to fill that right side in.

So what did I do? I got a bigger paintbrush and filled it all in. No more hiding I decided, not even the heavy stuff. I took ownership of these feelings of contempt and felt the energy of the emotion begin to move through my body and aura. It felt like since I “wasn’t supposed to feel contempt”, that I had not expressed it fully EVER. As I allowed myself to feel my feelings, I felt the heat of contempt and scorn and something that bordered on rage release. I sent all that energy out of my fingertips and right onto my canvas. The result: a thing of beauty. When I released all of the contempt I had stored up over my lifetimes, I made room for NEW emotions and guess what I felt first? Joy. Joy at giving myself permission to feel ALL my feelings, not just the ones I’ve deemed positive.

Check back soon for Part 6. More details and a full workshop description can be found here.  Find my Part 2 recap here.   Part 3 can be found here.   For Part 4 click here. Here’s a picture of my progress so far:

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Part 4: My Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition Experience

In preparation for teaching Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition, co-creator Dan and I took ourselves through the workshop process. This workshop is an eight part series during which students will practice using their intuition as they paint their way through different emotions. Here is my account of the experience, shared in eight parts that will each highlight a different session or layer/emotion that I worked on. To read about Part 1 click here.

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JOY!! Joy was chosen for the fourth emotion to work through. Paired with a bright primary blue and an X as the symbol I was very excited for this combination to go onto the canvas. Immediately I knew that this needed to cover the whole canvas so I began with an X that spanned from corner to corner. As I finished painting the second huge X I stopped suddenly. WHY did I think that joy needed to cover the entire canvas–because I felt that much joy or because I felt like I was supposed to always feel joy? Turns out a little of both. The societal programming of “being expected to always be happy/joyful” made up about half of what I thought was actual joy. Once I realized that, before I added another symbol of joy to my painting I asked myself “Do I feel this joy or is this an outer expectation I am trying to live up to?” If the answer was option number two, I used the energy clearing techniques that will be taught in class to clear that expectation and then chose a different spot for my next mark of joy on my canvas. This created an opportunity to release a huge amount of old programming and expectations, leaving me feeling even more joyful at the end of the painting session.

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Over the next few days I continued to release the programming. Memories of forcing happiness from throughout my life kept surfacing. I took this chance to look at the times I had faked being joyful because I thought that that was what was expected of me. There were quite a lot of times to look at! Looking at these different situations gave me a better understanding of what true, free-flowing joy really feels like. To me it feels bright and effervescent, like a bubbling glass of ginger ale. This also led me to explore why I was trying to live up to others’ expectations so often. I like to think of myself as independent and a “I do what I want to” type of person–which I am, but not as fully as I thought I was.

Since this painting session, I have intentionally been working on owning my joy as fully mine and asking myself if doing ___________ will bring me joy first or give the appearance of faked joy. This has caused some disappointment to others, when I’ve said no to plans or commitments. I have had to remind myself many times that the feelings of disappointment are NOT MINE; if me honoring myself triggers disappointment in someone else, those are their feelings to deal with and not mine. We are so programmed to put others first that when we do finally put ourselves first we are labeled as “selfish”. I do not subscribe to this programming at all, but I still find myself thinking that at times and wondering if I’m being brash and heartless. That is when my Spirit steps in to remind me that honoring your own needs first is HEALTHY and 100% ACCEPTABLE. Looks like I have more releasing to do around all of this programming…

Halfway done! Here are the first four layers all together; I sure love how this painting is coming together. More details and a full workshop description can be found here.

Find my Part 2 recap here.   Part 3 can be found here.  Click here to read about my recap for Part 5!

Part 3: My Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition Experience

In preparation for teaching Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition, co-creator Dan and I took ourselves through the workshop process. The workshop is an eight part series during which students will practice using their intuition as they paint their way through different emotions. Here is my account of the experience, shared in eight parts that will each highlight a different session or layer/emotion that I worked on. To begin the story with Part 1 click here. Find Part 2 here!

Part 3:

For the third painting session, trust was chosen as the emotion with a dark grass green color and a beam musical note as the symbol. Dan and I found it fitting that we chose trust on the same day that we published our event information and began selling tickets. It was like our spirit guides had stepped forward to tell us to trust the process of putting ourselves out there by sharing this workshop with others. I sure love when Spirit steps in like that.

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Once I began painting, I found myself looking at the energy of trust in many different ways. Do I freely trust or does it have to be earned? Is trust always given completely or partially? I found that I’m stingy giving out trust to people, but very trusting of information I receive psychically. A realization hit me that sometimes trusting is a messy business; that is when I painted the ‘messy’ beam note symbols that look like they’ve been frazzled or blown up.  Then I began to paint the individual circles and lines that made up the beam note separately, which represented the energy of broken trust that I had stored in my body. Wowzers! It felt like all the times I’d been betrayed or lied to was stored right in my abdomen and I was wearing that energy as a shield to protect myself from future occurrances of broken trust. This wasn’t too surprising, seeing as how the third chakra that relates to personal power and boundaries is located right there. Time to release those old memories and that old energy so I let it all go. It felt like I’d dropped a one ton anvil and physically could even breathe deeper which was amazingly refreshing. This session turned out to be an excellent learning and releasing time for me.

As always, I immediately began to wonder what would come up during the next painting session. Check out my recap on Part 4 here.

For more information about the Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition workshop click here. Read Part 1 here!  Find Part 2 here!

Part 2: My Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition Experience

In preparation for teaching Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition, co-creator Dan and I took ourselves through the workshop process. The workshop is an eight part series during which students will practice using their intuition as they paint their way through different emotions. Here is my account of the experience, shared in eight parts that will each highlight a different session or layer/emotion that I worked on. To read about Part 1 click here.

Part 2:

As I painted I again used the energy clearing techniques we will teach in class to release distraction from my aura and body. Whew! There was a HUGE amount stored in almost all of my body. It felt confusing to release it, as distraction is my main defense mechanism that I rely on and apparently find comfort in. I found myself unwilling to release it completely, and went with that since I was practicing using my intuition. Well, that came back to haunt me later in the week after my painting session. It’s like I created more distraction! So after about five days of distraction after distraction I went back into meditation to clear the remaining distraction energy.

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What I realized is that I actually had a soul contract with the energy of distraction. A soul contract is an agreement your soul made before you were born. These agreements encompass all of the learning and lessons your soul chose to be exposed to throughout this lifetime; this includes experiences and relationships you have agreed to have with yourself and other souls. I asked to clairvoyantly see my contract with distraction and saw that for me distraction equals comfort zone. Well that won’t work anymore; I don’t want to spend time being distracted–I want to spend my time doing the things I love that set my soul on fire. So I energetically voided that soul contract and rewrote another one that said “Kalli finds comfort in action and progress.” Pop went the bubble! The energetic release felt incredible. (For any soul contracts that arise for students during the workshop, Dan and I will assist in clearing and re-writing them to better suit your current goals and desires.)

It’s been about a month since I did this, and I’ve already noticed that I’m more focused and less distracted which feels amazing. My efficiency has definitely increased since letting go of the distractions. Not to say I don’t still get distracted, I just don’t spend days being distracted or creating distraction.

Check back soon for Part 3!

Part 1: My Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition Experience

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Have you heard about my upcoming workshop Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition? It’s a month long, eight-part workshop during which you will practice using your intuition in order to work through and release the energy of eight different emotions. You can read more about it HERE.

The key to teaching a great workshop, I’ve found, is to PRACTICE what I will be teaching. Once co-creator Dan and I had decided to combine our two different painting techniques with our energy work we knew we needed to do a ‘dry run’ before teaching students. For the past couple months we have been taking ourselves through the workshop process we created. I wanted to share my experience here.

So far I have worked through four layers, or four emotions. Each time, I intuitively choose a color, a symbol, and an emotion. While I paint the symbol onto the canvas, I am using energy clearing techniques to work through any memories and/or issues that arise associated with that emotion.

For the first layer the color was yellow, the symbol was a crescent, and the emotion was ecstasy. I absolutely love that ecstasy came up for the first layer because I was so excited to begin the workshop process. I was also feeling pretty stoked to have been a part of creating something that would help people by combining intuitive painting and energy work for deep healing. Here’s what my canvas looked like after the first session:

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Once the color, symbol, and emotion were decided on I asked my Spirit or Higher Self to show me where to paint; this what ended up on the canvas. As I was painting I found that many feelings came up around being expected to always be ecstatic about things, in other words forced excitement. This I call ‘programming’, which is something accepted as the truth when it actually isn’t the truth. Using the techniques we will teach in class, I went ahead and let it all go. Clearing that programming felt like I’d pulled the plug on the bathtub drain and all the water (aka stored programming) around ecstasy totally left my aura/energy field and body. I felt like I’d left some of my baggage behind, because I HAD released that baggage.

Completing this first session and working through this first layer of emotion left me wondering what would come up next time. Which color would go on top of the yellow? Which emotion was I going to choose next time?

Click here to read about Part 2!

Read more about the Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition workshop here!