Part 7: Envy
Envy, envy, envy. Generally I don’t allow myself to think about–let alone feel–envy or jealousy. My reasoning for this is that in order to get to envy I have to think of what I want but don’t have that someone else does have; that means comparing myself to others.
In preparation for teaching Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition, co-creator Dan and I took ourselves through the workshop process. The workshop is an eight part series during which students will practice using their intuition as they paint their way through different emotions. Here is my account of the experience, shared in eight parts that will each highlight a different session or layer/emotion that I worked on. To begin the story with Part 1/Ectasy click here.
I realized a couple years ago that the only thing I get out of comparing myself to others is disappointment or self-criticism, so I avoid doing that as much as possible. Hence, I had not allowed myself to even think about how I may be carrying around the energy of envy in quite some time. Apparently this was Spirit’s way of bringing my attention to this batch of old energy that I was ready to release; I put my trust into my intuition that this was important to do now.
Time to take a look at where the envy was residing in my body and aura. I found what looked like little bubbles of envy hiding all over. Looking closer, it appeared that instead of dealing with and feeling this emotion I would encapsulate it and hide it. Asking myself why, I realized that since feeling envious is typically labeled as “bad” I had shut it down just like I had done with the energy of contempt. Using the energetic release techniques that will be taught in the workshop, I went to work clearing the envy.
Meanwhile, I began painting. The infinity/figure 8 symbol was intuitively chosen along with a brilliant cadmium light red color to represent envy on the canvas. After a few minutes I realized that I was placing this symbol around the other symbols. Just like how I had found envy encapsulated in my aura/body, it was encapsulated on my painting. Looking as this more closely I found that I had never given myself permission to feel envy by itself. Seizing the opportunity, I experienced envy as envy. Similarly to when I allowed myself to feel hate, it wasn’t as “bad” as I expected it to be. It felt tight and compressed, like a closed metal animal trap with big, sharp teeth. What am I envious of? People with carefree lives. People without chronic health issues. People who wake up in the morning feeling rested.
I then spent some time arguing with my intuition about putting the two giant symbols right in the center of my painting. “If I put that much on then people will think I’m always envious!” my brain told me. My Spirit stepped in to remind me “If you put that much on then you won’t be carrying it around in your energy field anymore and you will have made room for new emotions.” Spirit wins! On it went, so that I could completely release all that was ready to go. As always, the release felt refreshing and timely.
Check back soon for Part 8. More details and a full workshop description can be found here. Find my Part 2/Distraction recap here. Part 3/Trust can be found here. For Part 4/Joy click here. Part 5/Contempt is here. For Part 6/Hate go here. Here’s a picture of my progress so far: