Part 6: Hate
I really wasn’t sure what emotion would surface for the sixth layer and painting session of my practice workshop run-through. I never imagined that I was prepared to release so much heaviness all in one two-hour period…
In preparation for teaching Intuitive Guided Art: Trusting Your Intuition, co-creator Dan and I took ourselves through the workshop process. The workshop is an eight part series during which students will practice using their intuition as they paint their way through different emotions. Here is my account of the experience, shared in eight parts that will each highlight a different session or layer/emotion that I worked on. To begin the story with Part 1/Ectasy click here.
During this sixth painting session, I realized that the emotions that were being intuitively chosen weren’t just coinciding with what I was experiencing in my life at the time; they were emotions I was ready to release and move on from. Not to say that I’ll never feel these emotions again, but I wouldn’t say that I was feeling especially hateful on the day that hate was chosen as the emotion. To go along with hate a magenta red and a frowning face came up. Wowzer–what a combo that my intuition chose.
Honestly, my brain wanted to put one of the faces on my canvas and be done with this layer. My intuition had another plan. When was the last time I even looked at hate in my life or aura let alone let go of it? Daily I make sure that I am clearing the energy of doubt, insecurities, fear, and perfection. Hate didn’t even make my list–because I like to think of myself as a nice person and nice people don’t hate anything. That was when I gave myself permission to think of what I hate and FEEL it.
I hate being left out. I hate to wait for things I want right now. I hate to mop floors. Oh, so this is what it feels like to feel hate. This isn’t as bad and destructive as I thought it would be.
This was the layer when I realized that emotions are emotions and they are absolutely NOT either positive or negative. They simply are what they are and they each have a purpose. I completely fell for the societal programming that some emotions are “good” and others are “bad”; in doing so I stifled the expression of the “bad” ones because I’m “good”. Accepting the truth that all emotions are valid and acceptable to feel has totally shifted my way of looking at my emotional reaction to things. I know now it’s okay to allow myself to feel hate/rage/contempt/etc. Feeling and acting on emotions are completely different but I had always thought that they were the same so I shut the “bad” ones down. Just because I’m feeling the emotion of hate does not mean I need or even want to act on it. Thinking about it now, I understand that not allowing myself to feel the hate was just as destructive as acting on hate may have been. By allowing to it simply be hate and feel it I was able to process and release it. It felt like I let go of a huge bowling ball that plummeted right out of my aura and body. Now I’ve made room for other emotions and new experiences to fill the space that the hate used to occupy. Time to think about what I’d like to fill that space with.
Check back soon for Part 7. More details and a full workshop description can be found here. Find my Part 2/Distraction recap here. Part 3/Trust can be found here. For Part 4/Joy click here. Part 5/Contempt is here. Here’s a picture of my progress so far: